Pretty in Pink: An Abridged Script

FADE IN

INT. HOUSE on the WRONG SIDE of the TRACKS

HARRY DEAN STANTON
Honey, you look stunning.  How much did that outfit cost to put together?

MOLLY RINGWALD
Nine ninety-five and not a penny of my self-respect.  Now, Daddy, don’t forget that you have a job interview today.

HARRY DEAN STANTON
Become a productive member of society when I can lounge around here drinking beer with your friend, JON CRYER?  Surely you jest.

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL

JAMES SPADER
Hey, MOLLY, let’s go out.

MOLLY RINGWALD
JAMES, you’re wearing the hair mousse of shady morals, which means you must be the villain in this story.  Besides you look like you’re heading into your thirties – which would mean checking the definition of statutory rape in this state.  No thank you.

JON CRYER
Besides, I have dibs on MOLLY.  I’m her friend, which means I spend approximately every waking hour thinking about her.  Non-waking ones, too.  In fact, if I were ever in a coma, I’d still crush on her.

MOLLY RINGWALD
Uh, JON, that’s not exactly the definition of a FRIEND, but no one in the movie is ever going to address that directly, so we’re cool.

INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY

ANDREW MCCARTHY
(via computer)
Good afternoon, MOLLY.  Perhaps you’d like to go out sometime?  Like on a date because apparently, I’m totally attracted to your funky clothes and fierce integrity.

MOLLY RINGWALD
(via computer)
JON, cut it out.  Go study and get those grades up so you can get out of this hellish black hole of conformity, materialism and Reagan-era values.

ANDREW MCCARTHY
No, it’s me, ANDREW.  Despite having the sex appeal of vanilla pudding, I’ve been cast as your PRINCE CHARMING.

MOLLY RINGWALD
Well, okay, but only if you pick me up at the record store at the mall where I work.  Heaven forbid, you should see the hovel where I live.

INT. RECORD STORE

MOLLY RINGWALD
Oh, ANNIE POTTS, do you think I could ever fall for a richie?  And just why is my best girl friend so old anyway?

ANNIE POTTS
If he were genuinely nice and sexy in a non-threatening way, why not?  Also, you’re way too cool for the bitchy material girls at school.

ANDREW MCCARTHY
Ready for our series of comical misunderstandings to commence because we come from such different backgrounds?

MOLLY RINGWALD
Sure thing.

The misunderstandings multiply, but somehow they hit it off anyway!  Shock waves ripple throughout the entire school.  This is, like, literally the most horrifying thing that any of the other students have witnessed because like most movie teens, they are SHALLOW and don’t have the courage of their convictions like MOLLY.  Which means that there must be repercussions.

EXT. A STABLE at a COUNTRY CLUB

ANDREW MCCARTHY
MOLLY, I love you, but there’s one thing I just don’t get.

MOLLY RINGWALD
That I’m the only girl at our school with integrity?

ANDREW MCCARTHY
No, it’s that you have our own car, bedroom and phone, yet you consider yourself poorer than dirt.

MOLLY RINGWALD
Hey, I have to sew my own clothes.  You don’t seriously think I got these off the rack at the mall.  The Gap staff wouldn’t even use these to clean bird crap off their car.

ANDREW MCCARTHY
Touché.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL – SOMETIME LATER

MOLLY RINGWALD
Why have you been avoiding me?  Last night, I heard something on the roof, but that turned out to just be more of JON’s wacky lovesick antics.

ANDREW MCCARTHY
(looks down, scuffs Gucci’s in the dirt)
I dunno.

MOLLY RINGWALD
WHAT ABOUT PROM?  WHAT ABOUT PROM?

ANDREW MCCARTHY
Well, uh….I really have to well, I just can’t do it.  Plus, all this open display of anger is giving me hives.

JAMES SPADER
Forget her, bud.  She’ll always be nada, nada, nada.

JON CRYER
I’m gonna beat you up.  First, for dissing MOLLY.  And second, because somehow you’ve got all the good lines.

JAMES SPADER
Would you like some cheese with your whine, JON?

INT. ANNIE POTTS’ APARTMENT

MOLLY RINGWALD
My God, you’ve become a yuppie!  Pod people have taken over your soul.

ANNIE POTTS
Hey, at least I’m finally happy with who I am.

MOLLY RINGWALD
Touché.  Can I borrow your old prom dress to mutilate?

ANNIE POTTS
Be my guest.

INT. THE HOVEL

MOLLY RINGWALD
So, Daddy, how was the job interview?

HARRY DEAN STANTON
Huh?

MOLLY RINGWALD
Just get over MOM already!  She left us, and she’s not coming back!

HARRY DEAN STANTON
If it was anyone but you doing all this judging of adults, MOLLY, it would come off as kind of obnoxious, but you’re just too adorable to send to your room.  Besides, I brought home a dress for you to play with.

EXT. A bunch of shots follow, in which it is established that MOLLY is passionate about sewing, ANDREW is conflicted, and JON is a stalker-in-training.  Because it needs reiteration.

INT. PROM HALL

JON CRYER
That is quite a dress, MOLLY.  ANDREW is going to be….surprised.  By the way, he came alone.  He’s sitting over there with his evil friends, looking like he’s about to undergo a root canal.

MOLLY RINGWALD
JON, you are so sweet to show up and give me moral support.  Look, DIRECTOR JOHN HUGHES has even come up with a love interest for you.  It’s BUFFY, the vampire slayer, and she’s looking right at you.

JON CRYER
OK. Because my feelings for you were apparently so deep, I can just switch off the obsessive stuff and crush on a conventional blonde.  See ya.

JAMES SPADER
(referring to MOLLY, not KRISTY SWANSON)
Looks like that low rent piece of ass came anyway.

ANDREW MCCARTHY
(develops cojones for the first time ever)
JAMES, you’re in for a lifetime of evil yuppie roles, while MOLLY is forever going to be known as America’s sweetheart.  You’re just jealous.

JAMES SPADER
Whatever.  I think I’ll go snort coke and fuck.

ANDREW MCCARTHY
MOLLY, I’m so sorry I didn’t have the courage of my convictions like you did.  Let’s go kiss in the rain.

EXT. PARKING LOT

MOLLY RINGWALD
Uh, ANDREW, did you do something different with your hair?

ANDREW MCCARTHY
No, it’s just because we’re shooting this scene WAY after the initial movie wrapped because the test audience was adamant that you couldn’t possibly wind up with JON.   You have absolutely no chemistry with him, and they were determined to have a proper romantic ending.

MOLLY RINGWALD
So that explains it.

END

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