Summer Movie Lessons I’ve Learned

1. Never underestimate dowdy overweight women, for they may secretly be high powered assassins. (Spy)

2. It’s best to avoid horseplay when inside a room full of sperm samples. (Ted 2)

3. The only people worth saving in the event of an apocalypse are optimistic geniuses. (Tomorrowland)

4. Immortality-maintaining drug side effects won’t have any effect on your newfound ninja skills. (Self/less)

5. Rules governing a cappella competitions are about as logical as a five-year-old’s game of Let’s Pretend. (Pitch Perfect 2)

6. “Monogamy isn’t realistic,” unless you meet a sports doctor who looks like Bill Hader. (Trainwreck)

7. It takes only a month to lose everything you have, and a month to recover it all. (Southpaw)

8. Avoid taking advice from local yokels about where the hot springs are located. (Vacation)

9. The road to higher education can be a slippery slope. (Dope)

10. If you are looking for subjects to test a new drug that turns its user into a killing machine, a church full of rednecks is a good choice. (Kingsman: The Secret Service)

11. The dead are closer to us than we think. (Mr. Holmes)

12. If your shrink insists on accompanying you on dates, it’s probably time to get rid of him.  (Love and Mercy)

13. If you are going to rebuff a former classmate who you used to bully back in the day, it is prudent to invest some kind of home security system, not to mention shower curtains. (The Gift)

14. Always read your contract all the way through, no matter how convoluted it appears. (Straight Outta Compton)

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