Girl on a Train
1. Other people’s lives may look so much more exciting when viewed from a train, but they actually might be bad for your mental health.
2. Therapists are amazingly easy to seduce and draw into your web of intrigue – just sit across from them in a flirtatious manner.
3. Getting involved in a murder investigation is a great way for the unpleasant truth to come out – such as that you no longer have a job and haven’t for awhile.
Manchester by the Sea
4. Having an argument about funeral plans with your recently reunited nephew while trying to figure out where you parked your car is counterproductive.
5. If your uncle is habitually morose, has issues with alcohol and is bereft of small talk, it’s not a good idea to use him as your wingman.
6. If you’re a teen whose recently reunited uncle starts off permissive (like letting your girlfriend sleep over), it may not last as he finds his footing.
Office Christmas Party
7. Fake Christmas trees in public venues can be awfully unsteady, so it’s a good idea to refrain from brushing up against them.
8. It’s not a good idea to mix cocaine and mainlining using Christmas lights, especially when there’s a horde of drunk partygoers below.
9. Playing favorites with your kids while you are alive is a surefire way to ensure nonstop friction after you pass on, and they grow up.
10. Convincing your boss that he is insane while currently mourning the loss of his child can be justified if you really try.
11. It’s amazingly easy to convince three people to pretend to be abstract concepts, such as Death, in fact, some will be eager to if they enjoy acting.
12. When you’re grieving, dominoes are a lot less complex than people and moreover, won’t play mean tricks on you for the sake of their jobs.
La La Land
13. If you live in LA, getting out of your car en masse to dance during a traffic jam does not get you any strange looks or court orders.
14. It helps to turn off your cell before performing a dance number in public if you want to make it through to the very end.
15. If someone at an acting audition asks you to “just tell a story,” feel free to launch into a lengthy musical number – you’ll still get the job.
16. If you’re not going to provide your female employee with an accessible restroom, you really shouldn’t force her to wear heels to trek forty minutes to the loo.
17. When trying to impress a woman who works at NASA, never assume she was hired just to type, file and fetch coffee.
18. If you’re a famous astronaut, it’s okay for you to hold up the launch at the last minute in order to get a specific employee’s input.
19. Teachers at failing high schools whose job is in jeopardy can manage to pony up the money for not one, but two, MacBook Pros in a single day.
20. There apparently exist high schools which are in such disarray that no one even notices a horse on meth galloping through the halls.
21. There apparently exist elementary schools where none of the teachers leaps up to throttle the DJ playing an obscene rap song before the child performing it gets halfway through.