Movie Lessons: Spring 2017

Warning: These may contain spoilers.

Logan

1. If a parentless child appears with your identical superpower, repeatedly disavowing that she’s yours is futile.

2. Knocking out, kidnapping and confining a man with retractable claws for hands is also futile. Even if your team outnumbers him, and he’s intoxicated.

3. Kids who have spent all their life in a lab still should be taken seriously when they discuss their future. They know more than you think they do.

Patriots Day

4. If you’re nursing a bum knee, you should probably try another way to force entry into a locked apartment.

5. If you are kidnapped by a terrorist, it’s a good idea to feign taking him seriously, even when he goes on about how 9-11 was an elaborate hoax.

6. Never underestimate the local police when you’re on a stakeout to take down two terrorists, even if it’s not your native territory.

Before I Fall

7. If you think being a teenager is tough, try being trapped in a loop where you relive the same day over and over.

8. Always be civil to the class outcast because it could come back to haunt you in a horrifying way.

9. If you decide to declare your love for the shy guy who you used to be best friends with as a kid, make sure to leave enough time – if you’re going to have to intervene in a potential suicide later.

Gifted

10. If you’re a single dad with an overnight guest who happens to be your kid’s teacher, it’s a good idea to go to a hotel, if your child’s being babysit at the house next door.

11. Palmetto bugs in a modest Florida home may be enough to sink your child custody case.

12. If you make it in time to prevent your daughter’s cat from being put to sleep at the shelter, why not adopt all the ones on death row, as well?

The Circle

13. If you have just been hired to work at a company known for invisible cameras all over the globe, you should avoid going into super-secret rooms at your workplace, even if your friend says it’s okay if you don’t tell anyone.

14. Becoming “transparent,” may put a damper on your parents’ sex life.

15. If your quasi-boyfriend goes on and on about how he hates the invasiveness of today’s technology, you should probably take him seriously.

Going In Style

16. Even discount grocery stores have working security cameras, so you should avoid trying to pull off a heist there

17. If you’ve got a bum back, be extra careful when bending over as you commit a robbery.

18. Everyone deserves a piece of the pie – literally and otherwise.

The Promise

19. If you can’t get a scholarship to a top medical school, you can always fall back on your dowry.

20. It’s possible to escape from a prison camp, hitch a ride on a train and jump into a river, only to emerge with nary a scratch on you later.

21. If you are flirting with your patron’s governess, and he catches you, you can always claim you were dancing for exercise, but he won’t believe you.

King Arthur

22. Swords can be temperamental, even if they’re yours by destiny.

23. Even super-villain kings who turn into glowing coals while fighting really are just lonely little boys who want to be loved by their subjects.

24. Traumatic childhood flashbacks can prolong a battle to the death with your mortal enemy.

Everything, Everything

25. Not everyone will be thrilled with a friendly welcome and bundt cake from their new next door neighbors, if they are hiding a dark secret.

26. In a post 9-11 world, it’s possible for a teen with no photo ID, who has never left the house in years, to board a flight to Hawaii and arrive there without incident.

27. If your homebound teenager switches from always wearing a white t-shirt to colored tops, it may be a sign that she’s in love.

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